It’s funny how some people you meet along the way stay in your life and some just pass by for only a moment. In the past few days my ex Jessie called, and so did Charlie who I met about 5 years ago. Charlie is in Seminary and he is doing great. Jessie on the other hand was a bit of a mess. He told me he still cared about me and that no matter how tough he has been acting he wanted me to know it was a front and he hopes that maybe one day we could work it out. Okay first of all NO WAY. I have never been so happy in my life and when I think of what I have experienced as far as pain goes he was there to make it worse. I was however happy to hear he is finally sober. I remember early mornings of sitting through countless AA meetings. I would find ways to incorporate his 30 day sobriety coin. I would tape it to the mirror or put a hole in it attached to a chain so he could wear it around his neck. It wasn’t ever going to work unless he wanted it and no matter what I did it would never work without him trying. Well it has taken a few years but I can honestly say that I am okay with not being a part of it just as long as he is. I have finally fought my addiction which was Jessie.
Lindsey and I went to dinner at Nate’s and had the best time catching up. She and I have one of those friendships that can go a few weeks with out hanging out or talking daily. We couldn’t get over how many of our friends and by that I mean sorority sisters are engaged or married. I don’t know diamond shapes and she already has hers picked out cut, band, platinum the whole thing. Lindsey is great because I can always trust her and I don’t feel judged. I have felt like Taylor these past few weeks has become so involved with Jason that she forgot about her best friend. Jason is moving here at the end of December and I know that means no more Tay Squared. I want her to be happy so if he is the one. I support that even though it means we don’t hang out near as much. We went from pizza and movie night followed by some drinks out and about to texting once a week. I have only a small group of friends and that’s by choice but lately I have felt so alone. I wish I had someone that I could go run errands with during the day. Someone who appreciates music the way I do someone that can teach me new things and someone who I can laugh with. I know this sounds like I am talking about a guy and in a way I am but I am also talking about a girlfriend emphasis on friend. I love meeting new people and it hasn’t happened in so long. I have met only 1 person that I can be completely open with and I can’t even spend much time with them. Why do I get withdrawn? Why don’t I trust many people? I’m ready to change a few things so to start I will change my daily routine. I hide for a few hours followed by dwelling and then after a nap I will pull myself out of my apt. and hopefully my ADD medicine is still working so I can accomplish 2 out of the 3 things I have scheduled. How can I contribute anything great when I just read and hide? I told Lindsey at dinner to please help me get out more and don’t even give me the opportunity to say no.
Lindsey and I went to dinner at Nate’s and had the best time catching up. She and I have one of those friendships that can go a few weeks with out hanging out or talking daily. We couldn’t get over how many of our friends and by that I mean sorority sisters are engaged or married. I don’t know diamond shapes and she already has hers picked out cut, band, platinum the whole thing. Lindsey is great because I can always trust her and I don’t feel judged. I have felt like Taylor these past few weeks has become so involved with Jason that she forgot about her best friend. Jason is moving here at the end of December and I know that means no more Tay Squared. I want her to be happy so if he is the one. I support that even though it means we don’t hang out near as much. We went from pizza and movie night followed by some drinks out and about to texting once a week. I have only a small group of friends and that’s by choice but lately I have felt so alone. I wish I had someone that I could go run errands with during the day. Someone who appreciates music the way I do someone that can teach me new things and someone who I can laugh with. I know this sounds like I am talking about a guy and in a way I am but I am also talking about a girlfriend emphasis on friend. I love meeting new people and it hasn’t happened in so long. I have met only 1 person that I can be completely open with and I can’t even spend much time with them. Why do I get withdrawn? Why don’t I trust many people? I’m ready to change a few things so to start I will change my daily routine. I hide for a few hours followed by dwelling and then after a nap I will pull myself out of my apt. and hopefully my ADD medicine is still working so I can accomplish 2 out of the 3 things I have scheduled. How can I contribute anything great when I just read and hide? I told Lindsey at dinner to please help me get out more and don’t even give me the opportunity to say no.
posted by Taylor at 1:27 PM
6 Comments:
Taylor,
You're blog really takes me back. I'm a little older than you (I'm about to be 31-eek) but what you wrote here could have come from me when I was about 22. I was "losing" my very best friends to marriage and mourning the just out of college early 20-something friendship that you and Taylor seem to have. It's hard and heartbreaking at times, but friendships evolve and grow and she will still always be there for you I am sure. And while old friendships are changing, you'll meet new people who won't necessarily replace the old friends but will find their own place in your life. While the wine nights, and pre-Saturday night spa days with my college girls were dwindling down, the happy hours and shopping trips with new friends at work were just beginning. One of my closest friends today is a hysterial girl I met at work 5 years ago. So, all that rambling said, hang in there, spend as much time with Taylor as you can and enjoy your early 20's!
Taylor.....on this one i soo see you eye to eye. like every word you said was like i was saying it. i am at the point too where all friends are with someone and yet i still dont have the one person to be there with me just to hang out or to call when i need to talk someone just to hug me! and yeah your girls can do all that but nothing better of having that man for you! from you being on the show you seem like a great person...i think about alot of stuff they way you do! keep up the good work!!
Hey Taylor. I really enjoy listening to you on the radio. Your pictures are just as beautiful as your voice. Just wanted to say hi. Merry Christmas
opps wrong username. here is the right one
Taylor,
I totally agree with Karin. I just turned 32 and spent so many years with the "girls". We were such a close knit group we did everything together. They are all married now and most are pregant or just had children. For about the past 5 years I think I was in a state of confusion b/c I couldn't find anyone else in my place in life. I tell you, 6 months ago, I totally STOPPED pining away for people who had moved on and let myself make new friends and such and I have met the most amazing people and I got engaged a month ago to my very best friend! Your time will come. Trust us "oldies" (sorry Karin!) ... you just need to focus on being ok with just you for awhile and really allow yourself to be around and open up to people you may not have before. Sorry for rambling! Take care!!
Please don't forget the pain that boy has caused you. You might feel very alone but dont let him back in. He's probably pretty charming and so sexy that you will get caught up in his lies. Stand your ground and enjoy what so many people do (YOU). Your fabulous and don't forget it. So many 22 year olds work nothing jobs and go out constantly and you are being very grown up and it's hard to find other 22 year olds on your level. Good days out number the bad and bad days are just a reminder of the tomorrow will be better than today.
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